Caffiene Chic

Sometimes one Red Bull just isn't enough. When you started drinking them you'd get an amazing buzz. You felt like you could run around the block five times, make a four course meal, fuck your brains out and go for another run. But, after months of the same dosage, the effects diminished. One can barely even wakes you up anymore and it takes a case just to get you through the day. Without it you are nothing. You find yourself tearing cans in half to lick the remaining yellowish syrup. Your stalk sorority girls and club kids, sucking on their empties until your mouth bleeds.

At $43 a case, you can hardly afford to feed your addiction let alone your children. Your life is falling apart and it's all your fault. Within days you will lose your job because you can't get out of bed without more. You have become a slave to that tiny blue can.

When Red Bull addiction has gone this far, there are only two solutions–either quit cold turkey or switch to Cocaine. Not the narcotic silly–the brand-new energy drink from Redux Beverages. Cocaine claims to be 350% stronger than Red Bull without the harsh come down, and it numbs your throat just like the real thing. At least for now, you can cut back on your expenses. And don't worry about the future–your children are safely put away in foster care, your job isn't going anywhere and if Cocaine takes off the way that Redux hopes, we are bound to see Crack in a can before too long.